4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I still have a little drunk in my system
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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