If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
