I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
