having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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