This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
