i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I forget how to act sober
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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