Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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