I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize