dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize