wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
