Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
