Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
