Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
