I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
no, he came in my armpit
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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