I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
