How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
