it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
