Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
