This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
