There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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