I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
