I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
