I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
whose parrot is this?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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