I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
