just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
