I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
