I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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