He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
