I look better un-naked...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
