How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
