I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
