i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
