His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
