so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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