i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
