i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
