Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
