Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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