just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
