so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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