so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
