Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
