he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm at about main and main street
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize