where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
