Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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