the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need moral support for this bender
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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