Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
