i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
