It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
