May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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