I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
