omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
