Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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