opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
