I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
