I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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