I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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