and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
