So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
