ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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