hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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