How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
