You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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