Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
