I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
