i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
