You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize