Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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